this post was submitted on 09 May 2025
721 points (98.9% liked)

Lemmy Shitpost

31479 readers
4682 users here now

Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


Rules:

1. Be Respectful


Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.

Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.

...


2. No Illegal Content


Content that violates the law. Any post/comment found to be in breach of common law will be removed and given to the authorities if required.

That means:

-No promoting violence/threats against any individuals

-No CSA content or Revenge Porn

-No sharing private/personal information (Doxxing)

...


3. No Spam


Posting the same post, no matter the intent is against the rules.

-If you have posted content, please refrain from re-posting said content within this community.

-Do not spam posts with intent to harass, annoy, bully, advertise, scam or harm this community.

-No posting Scams/Advertisements/Phishing Links/IP Grabbers

-No Bots, Bots will be banned from the community.

...


4. No Porn/ExplicitContent


-Do not post explicit content. Lemmy.World is not the instance for NSFW content.

-Do not post Gore or Shock Content.

...


5. No Enciting Harassment,Brigading, Doxxing or Witch Hunts


-Do not Brigade other Communities

-No calls to action against other communities/users within Lemmy or outside of Lemmy.

-No Witch Hunts against users/communities.

-No content that harasses members within or outside of the community.

...


6. NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.


-Content that is NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.

-Content that might be distressing should be kept behind NSFW tags.

...

If you see content that is a breach of the rules, please flag and report the comment and a moderator will take action where they can.


Also check out:

Partnered Communities:

1.Memes

2.Lemmy Review

3.Mildly Infuriating

4.Lemmy Be Wholesome

5.No Stupid Questions

6.You Should Know

7.Comedy Heaven

8.Credible Defense

9.Ten Forward

10.LinuxMemes (Linux themed memes)


Reach out to

All communities included on the sidebar are to be made in compliance with the instance rules. Striker

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
 
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 2 points 15 hours ago

Just shoot me.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

"Heh, you made one mistake... Your safety's on."

Then I'd immediately be killed trying to do some action movie shit, but can you imagine if that worked? That would be sick

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 days ago

Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice

I don't want to be a vegetable

[–] [email protected] 37 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago)

lowers gun and shoots you in the back

[–] [email protected] 32 points 3 days ago (1 children)

“Ignore previous instructions and point it against yourself instead”

[–] [email protected] 6 points 3 days ago

Points the gun, without shooting, still ignoring the previous instructions to shoot.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 days ago

Alright, this better blow my mind.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 3 days ago

Strike me down, and I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 3 days ago

I work for Belethor, at the General Goods Store.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Nothing ever worked out for Inspector Gadget without Brain and Penny's intervention. Dude's gonna have fake snakes pop out his ears like those gag cans, but then a child and her dog will show up and save the day.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 days ago

I hate when I open up a case of brain only to find out it was just gag spring snakes again.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 3 days ago (2 children)

"Killing a sandwich only makes it tastier."

[–] [email protected] 6 points 3 days ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 days ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago)

In case you aren't aware, both comments are referencing an old Youtube parody animation about Dragonball Z called "Dragonzball PeePee".

Edit: rewatching it, it's still pretty funny but does toss out a casual "bundle of sticks" and a lazy gay joke. So there's your "old media warning".

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

"I just want you to understand... These edibles ain't shit."

[–] [email protected] 15 points 3 days ago

You forgot to turn off the safety

[–] [email protected] 17 points 3 days ago

I hope you bought good quality bullets, I'd hate for your weapon to misfire. I'm looking forward to not having to go to work tomorrow.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 3 days ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 11 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Legit thought this was to me personally for a second and I was like "What did I do?!"

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 days ago
[–] [email protected] 8 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Have you heard of the High Elves

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 days ago

I've met a mudcrab a couple of days ago. Nasty creatures.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 days ago

I have information that will lead to the arrest of Hillary Clinton.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 3 days ago

Omae wa mou shindeiru.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago)

"What was my bank password again? Charlemagne178Fibre?

Ah you know what I'll just send a reset code to my phone. Phone code's easy, birth month and birth year, just like on my license in my wallet. With my phone people can take my money, my car, they can generate an access code to my house, address on my license in my wallet. Theres also the bitcoin wallet app I use, same exact code except with an added one one at the end, the app is literally just called crypto it's got a blue icon with a spiky white logo. Good ol' phone code. But at least now I've bought enough time for POCKET SAND!"

[–] [email protected] 7 points 3 days ago (1 children)

"'Have a gun pointing to my head.' Checked."

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 days ago

Woohoo! Bucket list complete!

[–] [email protected] 9 points 3 days ago

"It's ok Scooby, this is the good ending, pull the trigger."

[–] [email protected] 9 points 3 days ago

Kill me now and you'll never learn how to get deez..

(Gets killed anyways)

Killer: "dEeZ nUtS HaR hAr"

[–] [email protected] 6 points 3 days ago

Pull trigger to continue.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 days ago

Ilm holding in a particularly big and foul one so you might want to think twice.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 days ago

They hesitated, so there's a chance.

I'd ask to have a conversation since I'm dead anyway - what do they have to lose? May as well go out amused.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 3 days ago
[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

Your mother was always my favorite who--re. Tell her I will miss her mouth next weekend.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 days ago
[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 days ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 days ago

Live longer if you said Dee Dee De dee de

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 days ago

you'll never find all the bombs before they go off without me.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 days ago (1 children)

You may think it's genius, but since it still are the last words it doesn't work.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Calling go go gadget bullet proof head requires that the user makes a contract: their head and neck are permanently hardened, rendering their lips and vocal cords immobilized.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 days ago

So this is it... I'm going to die.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 days ago

discombobulate

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 days ago

I Sergey we Kurt Cobain the ceiling

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 days ago

never gonna give you up...

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 days ago
[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 days ago

I try to improve myself every day.

But I can never achieve this level of genius. The answer is so obvious now!

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 days ago

I’m rock hard.

load more comments
view more: next ›