Quicky

Clearly I don't recommend this, but years ago after having an ingrown toenail causing months of pain, I got drunk, decided I'd had enough, and cut a sliver out of it with a breadknife. Ridiculous decision, but cured it forever.

In terms of pain alleviation before surgery (medically trained or otherwise), I can highly recommend stuffing the toenail with tissue paper as close to the ingrown part as possible. Poke it in with a toothpick or something. It acts as a cushion and can train the nail to grow away from the skin.

Unintended bonus of having my own ingrown toenail though: I have always played football and refused to stop even when the pain was at it worst because I love playing it so much. I'm right footed and couldn't kick the ball with it at all during that time. Instead I forced myself to use my left constantly. I was shocking initially, but weeks later became a two-footed player. Best thing that happened to improve my game long term.

Common incredulous question when someone acknowledges they haven't watched Breaking Bad. This newborn is unlikely to have seen it.

Fair enough. Back to scrolling then, like the rest of us.

The fuck you would. Not much is stopping you from doing that now, just in a longer timeframe.

You'd be sat here with me and everyone else scrolling your phone for hours, before thinking "Oh yeah I was gonna do that thing...can't be arsed now".

This is a wildly vague question, but a snippet of advice I was given years ago by a mate with a kid a few years older than my (then) toddlers was "You don't have to provide them with constant entertainment, you just need to do one or two activities for a short amount of time and that's what they remember".

It's great advice. Kids at early ages can be a fucking nightmare, but the truth is, you take them swimming for an hour, or do some painting for a while, or go to the park for a bit, and that's what gets imbued on their consciousness. You get the rewards when they fill in that little book at school about what they did at the weekend, and it's a ten minute window of shit you did that was fun for them, and not the rest of the stressful admin that comes with dealing with young children.

My nearly adult kids often say to me now "you were always doing fun things with us". Mate, I played table tennis in a shed with you for 20 minutes, or sat down with you for a bit and made a robot out of a fucking cardboard box and a bog roll.

One or two activities a day where your attention is fully on them is enough to create happy memories for them. You don't need to helicopter about.

Now I’m no expert, but I’ve a suspicion this could be a political metaphor.

The title of the post.

fly's

Belonging to fly, or fly is?

It does have those exact single paned sash windows mind you, which rattle with every passing car.

When the kids complained years ago about how cold it was in this house, I put blankets in the living room for us all to wrap up in. We've since upgraded to duvets. I'm currently on the sofa under a double duvet. It's 9pm and 22 degrees outdoors.

You're welcome to crash in my 150 year old 2-foot thick stone wall house with fuck all insulation that's unbearably freezing year round.

It's one way or the other in this country. Sweaty new-builds with no air con, or ancient glorified caves that wouldn't heat up if they were on fire.

I reckon it was a grammatical joke based on the incorrect apostrophe.

United have Arsenal, City and Chelsea within the first 5 games. Relegation battle from day one, I reckon.

I mean, Wales has a fucking dragon on it.