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Lost my dog this week as you all know, and today my ex who I still live with lost his job. (lemmy.world)
submitted 2 weeks ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
18 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 

So that's all really fun.

How's your week?

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[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

From one struggling person to another, I'm sending you all the love I can muster. It's the only thing we can do for one another is to care.

I'm sorry for the loss of your dog, I still haven't fully recovered from losing mine a little over a year ago. You would think I felt lucky to have him for 18 years, and I do, but it's also more painful because I had more time to be close to him and want to keep him in my life. He became a staple in my life, and it feels empty without him.

I'm sorry for your ex losing their job. That's going to make the living situation tougher until they are able to find new work. The money issue is always stressful, and it affects us all, all the time. It never ends. It's even worse with someone who you're afraid of. The fact that people cannot afford to live alone and must be stuck with people they are afraid of is literally a human rights issue. The fact that we cannot escape our abusers is a massive problem that sits unaddressed.

Just try to remember, it's not you who is at fault, but a broken fucking system which has devalued you both and the labor you both do. You shouldn't be anxious or worried in this situation, because we should have a society that supports the people who do all the actual work to make the world continue on without interruption. Yet we do not. I know that you both work hard and deserve a break.

Please accept this digital hug.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 weeks ago

Thank you so much.

It's just a LOT in the space of a week.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

That really sucks, im sorry =/ I had to live with my ex for a long while, we even worked together. It's not fun. Hang in there, it'll get better.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Thank you. It's absolutely terrible.

I do feel bad this happened to him and I won't be unfair, but he takes everything out on me so I'm honestly terrified.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Do what you've gotta do to protect yourself, living with someone like that can be risky when disruptive events like that happen.

I'm sure you want to see him on his feet before you separate living-space-wise, but if you feel unsafe, do what you can, ok?

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 weeks ago

I will. My friends have already found me some resources but I was tolerating this because of my dogs. But yeah.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

So I don't hold a candle to yours. Today is my quarterly doctor's appointment. It is my most demeaning day as I must get a ride to the Dr from my folks and get paid for while appearing perfectly fine from any outside perspective. I could drive myself, but I don't bother with a license and car. For a long time I just rode a bike, but that puts me on a road for too many miles at this point and it is stupid sketchy for me to be around cars. The only super tangible limitation I have is not being able to turn my head left. So I can't see behind me on a road bike unless I sit upright and turn with my lower back. Even then, I can't keep bars consistently straight because my principal damage is thoracic (between shoulder blades).

It just sucks. I know I would be wasting a ton on money with a car and insurance, which would push me to work when I can't control the major ups and downs cycle. That stress would, as it did in the past, turn my 2-3 day lows with little to no sleep into weeks to months. I end up becoming a useless zombie and that leads to suicidal levels of difficulties. Taking anything for sleep stops me from my constant flopping about like a fish even in my sleep. That path was the only time I completely lost my mobility and got trapped in bed for several days.

So today is the day I get to face all that underlying baggage to leave the house when I am not on a bike. It shouldn't bother me so much, but it is a humiliation on some level. It makes the old me feel judgemental of this useless loser shell of a human I have become. My mind tales that a step further into the anxiety of my aging parents and how I have no idea what I will do without them. I don't know if I am more afraid of my inevitable zombie self or the potential homelessness I will face. I just want to crawl back under my little rock of a bedroom life and emerse myself in my projects where I can hide from the judgement of who I once was. Fortunately, I guess, I still do not feel hate for the person that disabled me. That is my litmus test for my absence narcissism.

I need a hero savior of a human, but I am not cruel enough to try and entice someone into my burden and watching me degrade and die young. To me, that is real love, even for a person I do not know... what a mess...

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I'm so sorry.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Don't be. I'm sorry for your hardships too. Other people's problems do nothing to change our own. The perspective of what others are coping with can at times help bolster us to continue. Like grieving together, in an abstracted way.

I don't know your circumstances and support dynamic, but cohabitation with an ex implies a certain remarkable altruism, or potential. Whether there is truth of not in that inference is not really important to me, the idea was hopeful.

In many ways I morn my own death in an underlying layer of grief, however I still live and am therefore nor allowed to move on. My intent on sharing is to hopefully reveal a facet of what it means to grieve, and life in general. While my situation can be tough, I do not envy your own and I am reasonably sure that sentiment is mutual. It can be helpful in dark moments to have something on the mind, like 'at least I'm not going through that,' and in so doing offer the opportunity to appreciate what positive elements remain.

I never know if my abstractions translate for others well. That was my underlying intent. From my side, you were helpful in a coping mechanism as I intended. It was good for me to externalize the struggle and you have helped refocus my emotional wandering. Thanks. I'm sorry if that came across as a further negativity or burden in any way as that was not what I intended.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 weeks ago

I can't leave him because of money is the long and short of it. We are very apart and he's a covert narcissist who is quite vicious so I'm just grey rocking, as they call it, until I can find a path out.

You translate just fine!

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Sorry to hear...

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 weeks ago

Thank you.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

It comes in waves it feels like. Just know that I personally love seeing your posts on here, and especially the sovcit stuff makes my doomscrolling less doomy.
I'll tell my past furry friends to go check up on yours, I might have my old man joining soon, so I'm sending good vibes. It gets better.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 weeks ago

Thank you! I'm glad you like my sovcit posts. They are so crazy. I found a court case this week where a sovcit was accusing the judge of necrophilia because he didn't accept the sovcit papers of crazy.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Sorry about your dog, silver lining is there's less tying you to your ex or accommodation.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 weeks ago

Indeed there is. Thank you.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Sorry about your loss.

Maybe see if the ex can pick up gig work, dressed up as a dog.

Win, win.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 weeks ago

Ahahahah good idea.